I’m passionate about raising my children in the best way possible, to give them a healthy balanced childhood full of fun & stimulating experiences but also full of discipline. What I mean by discipline is not just about behaviour but also self discipline, the ability to control themselves and make decisions based on fact as well as emotion. To understand what a desire is and to balance it with reason.
When we bring a new pet into our homes the majority of adults will buy at least one information book on how to look after them. One of the first purchases we make upon finding out the happy news a baby is on the way is the “What to expect when you’re expecting” series or some other substitute.We want to understand their needs so we set out to learn more on how to care and nurture. A responsible and sensible approach rewarded by healthy pets and babies who we adore.
So why do we abandon this approach as soon as our babies become toddlers, suddenly we as parents know all there is to know and no longer need to learn and develop our skills as carers, our work is done and nature will take care of the rest.
Sadly our children are missing out on opportunities because we take our guidance from TV programmes, the latest news headline and a series of trends passed in waves from parent to parent on the social networks. All of these are of course not “wrong” but in themselves only scratch the surface of what we need to learn in order to fully understand the needs of our children. We can’t simply entrust their development to the education system if we want them to position themselves towards the best opportunities. But neither do we need to take a degree, what our children need is our time, our passion and to be allowed - even encouraged - to be children.
One of my biggest frustrations is the growing trend which is seeing our children grow up faster and faster and abandon play as a “baby thing”. We are beginning to see this on an alarming scale. Just recently we have been informed that a 7 year old was too old for trains, a 6 year old was too old for craft & activity books and a 5 year old was too old now for puzzles. Many people see even a 3 year old as too old for simple role play activities when this is the prime age.
So why is playing so important?
According to Bruce Duncan Perry, M.D., Ph.D...... “The child's cognitive capacity is enhanced in games by trial and error, problem solving, and practice discriminating between relevant and irrelevant information. Play requires the child to make choices and direct activities and often involves strategy, or planning, to reach a goal.Interpersonal/social skills, ranging from communication to cooperation, develop in play. Children learn about teamwork when they huddle together and decide who plays each position in a pick-up soccer game. The child gains an understanding about those around him and may become more empathic and less egocentric. When playing with peers, children learn a system of social rules, including ways to control themselves and tolerate their frustrations in a social setting.”
Looking in the natural world we see a striking pattern of how animals learn and develop through play and the essential role it plays in their societies on both a social and survival level. This same approach is equally as important in humans and through playing with our children we can not only pass on decades of experiences but also learn more about them. Playing together helps development of social, emotional & language skills but can also illuminate difficulties and weaker areas that with some support from parents could develop into strengths.
One point raised by Family Facts.Org ... “Cognitive stimulation provided by the parents influences a child’s academic achievement. The amount of cognitive stimulation children receive from their parents was correlated with children’s IQ and academic achievement to nearly the same extent that the mother’s IQ was. After adjusting for mother’s IQ, a 10-point increase in the level of cognitive stimulation provided by parents was associated with a three-point increase in the child’s IQ and a two-point increase in math proficiency.5”
There is one final factor that’s not about development or responsibilities or studies. And that’s that as parents we should enjoy every moment we can while are children are still young, worry free and full of laughter and mischief. It’s gone so quickly that it’s such a shame to take a 5 year old and take away the enjoyment of just being young. So whether you do it for their education or for your own pleasure, ditch the electronic gadgets, slow down their rush to adulthood and encourage them to enjoy themselves while you indulge in a little selfish playtime too.
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